this is how i came up with this:

i was sittin at this random denny's outside of palm springs and my friend (we'll just call her "the fence") starts lamenting over all the not-necessary-packaging that went into putting our food and condiments on the table.


buh.

think about it::: you ever go into a large chain restaurant and notice when they give you "extra" butter and they bring it to you in a container>>>or wait...did they give it to you in packets??? HMMMM...yes. aaaalll that packaging has become too much for our landfills.

we need to change the way we *consume*...and as consumers we need to send email to our lawmakers and tell them NO MORE WASTE! Let's find a way to put more food-industries to the challenge to reduce their waste by Earth Day 2010! Spread the word People of the USA! Boycott Waste! Boycott Denny's! B4 it's Too Late!

thanks for reading my blog. i appreciate you all.

again, like a speedbump

and then all the while...
we listened to that music
as my heart..slowed..like a speedbump

everything she said to me
all the words that came from her mouth
...i watched
tried to understand
listened to that same song

the music kept coming
my heart kept bumping
still, her words made no sense

grasping, searching
key phrases that i can believe
that i hadn't heard before

...and then all the while we sat in the car-
listened to that music:
drowned out dithered dialogue...
i found myself saying:
the things she wanted to hear
looking forward to..only..our..embrace
...putting a pillow over my face

she tells my things i want to hear...
looking forward to..only..our..embrace

...gigimichelleboulais...january.15.2007.

t h e f e n c e

slowly i balance
move toward the horizon
don't look down
don't get distracted
dividing and rationalizing
smooth, sometimes splintered
wooden fence

tall, thick, cool grass
grows splendidly on my right
while stiff, dry, thorny bushes---
danger. on my left.

underline, underscore
tiptoe
dot and dash
as i balance this fence
my feelings just clash

almost tripping on confusion
contemplate falling on bliss
but...
continue this path
realize the risk

dangle my chances
deep in the grass
stuck on "what-ifs"
pricked by those thorns

scared to fall
'cuz i feel so high
her eyes seem to reach
my words make her shy

...

gigi michelle boulais. april 2009.

my favorite girl was not a girl after-all

she always wanted to be a boy. my first girlfriend. you see, this is so ironic, because. i am a girl who fell in love with a girl that really wanted to be a boy. (what kind of lesbian am i anyway?)

and...i went to support groups and everything. if it wasn't for this big thing, and believe me, it is very big in a relationship, i am almost sure we'd still be together.

i feel like the most awful person because i couldn't get over the fact that she just wanted to deny all her female qualities. that didn't leave much for me. i was (finally) out-and-proud and then i have to lose the one person in the world that could complete me--- to the opposite sex. god, if i could just go back in time. i hope that i would see the value in the person and just move the fuck on.

sorry. i've been drinking merlot.

An awkward up-bringing...an awesome haircut

She came out of the womb, looking different. Thick, dark hair. Big, round, brown eyes, like almonds. She was born to a woman just barely over 20, at a time when it was inappropriate to have a baby out-of-wedlock. The kind young couple who were thrilled to bring her home cooed and cawed at the newborn bundle-of-joy. They adopted their first (and only) child. Later, the couple would divorce, when the she was just 5.

Lamenting those early years, she looks back on those times with disdain and disgust. Before the house was sold with it's big backyard, tire swing, tree-house and the wonderful big-Christmases, there was always this feeling of in-completeness. A yearning for something different and perhaps...something more.

[stay tuned for more]

poem::: what was that

===WHAT WAS THAT===

a hard cut- sliced like watermelon
heavy & hard
the way she made me feel
what was that?
why did that happen?
i ask myself over and over
this time & that
beginning & ending
once forgotten
but i always remember

scorched & blistered
that was the way it was
gagged & blinded
that was the way time went
beginning was only the ending
the middle too brief to be mentioned
_____________________________
[gigi boulais] november 2008

poem::: WRITE WHAT I SEE

"write what i see"

who cares to read it
unsure to speak it
the act of writing on paper
the cleansing, forward momentum
pen scrawling rightwards on paper
the progress of thoughts
words fill each line

melodic and dramatic
your eyes pierce my process
your questions make me think

soft and passionate
your eyes take hold my heart
your words make me blink

i don't know what to say
i don't know what not to say
i will write this on paper
i will see it before sleep

[MARCH 2006] gigi boulais