she always wanted to be a boy. my first girlfriend. you see, this is so ironic, because. i am a girl who fell in love with a girl that really wanted to be a boy. (what kind of lesbian am i anyway?)
and...i went to support groups and everything. if it wasn't for this big thing, and believe me, it is very big in a relationship, i am almost sure we'd still be together.
i feel like the most awful person because i couldn't get over the fact that she just wanted to deny all her female qualities. that didn't leave much for me. i was (finally) out-and-proud and then i have to lose the one person in the world that could complete me--- to the opposite sex. god, if i could just go back in time. i hope that i would see the value in the person and just move the fuck on.
sorry. i've been drinking merlot.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
An awkward up-bringing...an awesome haircut
She came out of the womb, looking different. Thick, dark hair. Big, round, brown eyes, like almonds. She was born to a woman just barely over 20, at a time when it was inappropriate to have a baby out-of-wedlock. The kind young couple who were thrilled to bring her home cooed and cawed at the newborn bundle-of-joy. They adopted their first (and only) child. Later, the couple would divorce, when the she was just 5.
Lamenting those early years, she looks back on those times with disdain and disgust. Before the house was sold with it's big backyard, tire swing, tree-house and the wonderful big-Christmases, there was always this feeling of in-completeness. A yearning for something different and perhaps...something more.
[stay tuned for more]
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